It's Been Awhile

So it's summer and let me just say I wouldn't be tired of it already if I wasn't stuck in a place where my freedom was restricted to the limit. Thankfully my dear friend, Greg, came to visit this weekend, and since my parents love my guy friends, I had a lot of time on my own without questions or interruptions. I felt like I was back at college, or a real adult for maybe the first time since I have lived at the top of the hill in Hummelstown.

Adulthood seems to be a good time in ones life. You find out who you are, where your going, and what you may see as the days and months pass by. Time seems to speed up because you are finally doing things that truly interest you and most of the time you get the opportunity to do these things with people you love. I have found for me at least, that love is more of a friendship code then one that involves a relationship. I have always been the third wheel, in most situations, and almost am more content on the fact that I am my own person and don't have to worry about the fact that I may not be acting or keeping another individual happy and care free at all times. Maybe its because I grew up in a family that fought a lot, not that that is unhealthy, but sometimes it makes you think, if this is how relationships are what's the point. I'd much rather help a friend figure it out, then maybe have to deal with it first hand. Maybe I'm just not ready to be strapped down yet haha, I don't know. I always feel like there is more to see and do and if I'm not with someone as spontaneous as me, I may not get to see and do the things that pop up in my head.

For example, this weekend, Greg and I had no plan, we figured we would end up in Gretna by the lakeside, but that "plan" never happened. We drove around Harrisburg, from Goodwill to Arab country of PA, drove all the way out to Steelton, into Lebanon, passed four cars in the rain heading out to Lancaster, ended up shopping in the mall, which gave Greg the opportunity to put me in girly clothes, and ended up napping back at home till dinner, ending the night with a nice camp fire. It was a lovely day, but I never would have expected seeing or doing any of those things that day, and I enjoy having a life of "mystery". It's thrilling to not have a schedule or a place that you need to be, it's part of being young and wild haha, but I don't see it leaving anytime soon, or ever if I can help it. I see life more as a film that isn't completed, I'm a director of my own life, not that this hasn't been said hundreds of times before me, but I do. I was at a high school graduation a week ago, and all the commencement speeches had one thing in common, you can do what you want and become who you want to be and yes there are consequences for the decisions you make, but from here on out the choices you make are yours and no one has the right to take that ability away from you. And its true, if you live in a place like America, you shouldn't let someone else say, "When you grow up you have to be a doctor or a lawyer." Be what you want to be, be smart about it, but find something that you won't hate doing everyday. For me, writing was the path I choice, I'm not done with it, but I took a smart route, I love art and film, but I know that it will be easier to find a job in journalism, I want to live in New York City for the rest of my life, its going to be challenging and to even get by in NYC you need a job. The economy might be dwindling, but its part of the challenge. I find it exhilarating, scary as hell, but still amazingly exciting at the same time. Anyway this post has gone in all directions I fear, but I hope you got something out of it. Until next time...

Goodbye Lock Haven, For Now

My mind wanders at night, unless I get right to bed after a hard day of either babysitting four kids (4, 7, 8, and a 6th month old dog) or being out and about my mind has to much to think about, so I write instead of keeping all of it inside me. I have learned over the years that if I leave all my thoughts and emotions inside I get to consumed and it tires me out even more. In the end, I get about 5 hours of sleep because I spend hours writing and if I don't get it all out at once I end up tossing and turning in bed.

Anyway the point, Anne, get to the point. I had a lovely weekend with a dear friend. I visited the small but beautiful town of Lock Haven. The house I was staying in was old and is being redone to become a glorious B&B. It urged me to write more, so I started a new book about an architect who desires to travel home, but knows that he needs to get the job down at hand, how he tosses and turns about the meaning of love when he would rather just go it alone. As I wrote and cooked wonderful food, I could smell the mountains and the river. It was very relaxing and it made me feel very far away from the busy world that we all live in. On the trip home I got teary eyed knowing that the trip was done and it was time to get back to reality. But at least at night, I can go back to my happy place, in the pages I read and write. So I must thank my friend Greg, for the lovely weekend. It was a nice escape, time away from the parental world I seem to be stuck in.

A place where I can't really be myself, simply because my parents don't understand who or what I want to be. A place where my freedom is stolen away and restricted. A place where the goal is to make money to pass the time and then come home only to run upstairs and write, listen to music, read, and work on art projects. A place that I want to leave so badly, but I know that even when I leave and I grow older and move away, somewhere in my heart I will miss this town that my teen angst despised. I'll miss being able to come home and writing. Not that will I will ever stop writing, but it won't be the same. I won't be writing about escape plans, fighting my parental units, or how bored I am. No the topics will change and as my life flashes before my eyes so will the pages and chapters of my books that I will hopefully write and publish. The dream world that lives in my notebook and head may come true and the things I will write will be more real then the things I write now. That is the day I wait for, when I am missing home, but will still be glad that I have made my own start like everyone does around my age. Where I will go, I can only predict. What I will do, I can only dream of. When I will do it, I can only count down from. And how I will do it, I can only plot out.

So thank you little town of Lock Haven, for helping me see that it can only get better, I can only get more independent and free. I'll be back LH. Well have a goodnight everyone. It's time I go to bed or I'll never be able to last 8 hours with my little kids...

It's All In The Fine Print

Love Forever

There is something on this earth that I will love forever and it is film. This post will probably be pretty short and to the point, but it still needs to be said, simply because I think it does. Film is something that I will never get tired of, whether what I watch is boring or exciting, new or old, homemade or Hollywood, it has taken my heart and it will never give it back. No matter if the movie industry will take me to my friends house or across the world, I will keep it with me not only because I get enjoyment out of it, but its almost part of my soul. Like you already know, I have been watching films of all kinds since I was a little kid and when something is part of your childhood and never goes away, come on it becomes a piece of home to you. Film is a place that can take me away from reality, a place I like to stay away from as much as possible. Reality is boring and monotonous most of the time unless you are with people who believe in the dream world as much as you do.

For example, when I saw the new Alice and Wonderland I never wanted to leave the theater. It's a reoccurring problem, once a film starts and I enjoy it, it should just never end... This world of imaginary lives and break downs of a person's life can teach people so much about their own lives, which is why film is so cool. I say cool, because think about it, one film can use up all of your emotions, it can teach a kid about the concepts of death, it can show what happens when someone falls in love, it can say the stuff that you can't say yourself in about 90 minutes give or take. One film could change the world, you may call me crazy, it wouldn't be the first time, but think about it, one film can give jobs to hundreds of people, the money made can help a local economy, or simply give you a good cry in your home after a long week at work/school/play.

For me, films are an escape to the fast past world we live in. Films take me away to my "happy place". They have always been there for me, as I'm sure they will be in the future. It will be a love that lasts a lifetime. It is my reality, while the rest of my life is just a dream or a nightmare depending on the day.

ARF ARF GOTHCA!

I just finished watching another film to add to my long list of random movies. Instead of going out on a Friday night or smoking a pack of cigs or drinking as a high schooler, I stayed up late and watched one or two of the 500 million movies that my mother has collected (horded) over the years. Some of them were fantastic, some of them not so good, but if you say a movie off the top of your head, win and doubt I've probably seen it or at least heard of it (if you're really trying to be tricky). Film has always been a hobby of mine, but like writing I never thought I would go anywhere with it, but why not try for it write. Well anyway that is not what this post is about, nope its about the movie I just finished watching.

So I was flipping through the channels, Harrison Ford, Julia Roberts, Justin Long, they all show up, but I pick the off the wall film that my parents will probably end up hating. Hackers, a film about some young kids in New York City that end up busting a large hacker in a FBI agency. Johnny lee Miller and Angelina Jolie work together to find the "source" with their other computer geek pals. The music was all from the 90s, the clothing was all late 80s mid 90s, and the laptops were quality!!

I fell in love, but let me tell you it took my mother a bit of convincing. Jolie was to "pushy" and "mean" and the ADD kid was way to "quirky" and "gross". But by the end she loved the gang as much as I did. See if you want to please my mom, get the big bad corporates with their aviator sunglasses and she's perfectly content. If she knew I had a blog she would probably think the FBI was on the way to our house in minutes, breaking down the door with machine guns, just like in the film. Dad liked it more than the usual chick flick playing on the screen, so he enjoyed every minute and analyzed every part.

That is one question I have: If any guys read this blog, why do you all have to analyze everything? It really kills the movie for me, I mean afterward, a nice chat or heated argument can commence, bring it, but really during the movie, everything has to be connected to something and if it doesn't its "bad" writing? I don't think so, but maybe I'm just a girl and I think you boys all still have cooties ha ha I don't know.

Anyway I enjoyed the maybe dated 1995 movie, Hackers. Maybe you should add it to your list of movies and you can rate it for yourself!

Have a good one, until next time For the Glory (ha ha just kidding, but I had to, I miss my Stall Stories from Penn State what can I say...)

Talking to A Friend

So I was talking to a dear friend of mine tonight about how much I write. I wrote a letter to a man who really helped me out. He wrote how i learned how to snap. It saved me from a lot of lonely nights in my house in Hershey. So anyway while I was writing my letter, my friend told me that, I write a lot, but not too much. I was glad to have this realization. For me writing is an escape. A Great Escape if you get the movie reference and it always has been, well at least since the 6th grade. Every person should try to find something that lets them escape from the big scary, sometimes dirty world we live in day in and day out. It's important to know that, because if you find the thing that lets you escape you will find purpose in your life, even if its something small. For me writing is a big thing, but your escape doesn't have to be the dominate thing in your life, it could be looking out your window at 1 in the morning and seeing that star sparkle back at you, or daydreaming, cooking, being around animals, riding a roller coaster...it could be anything, but you have to find it. No one can do it for you. It took me quite a long time to realize writing was something I needed. Something that I had to get good at, but even though I learned and changed how I wrote over the years, it still meant a lot to me and now I would never give it up for anything. I think I need to make it a bigger part of my life because it keeps me going, its like my conscious telling me what to do...helps me see things clearer, break them apart and put it back together, for better or for worst. So thank you friend, I have been realizing a lot these past weeks...