“Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it.” ~Marianne Williamson

Monday, May 31, 2010

Goodbye Lock Haven, For Now


My mind wanders at night, unless I get right to bed after a hard day of either babysitting four kids (4, 7, 8, and a 6th month old dog) or being out and about my mind has to much to think about, so I write instead of keeping all of it inside me. I have learned over the years that if I leave all my thoughts and emotions inside I get to consumed and it tires me out even more. In the end, I get about 5 hours of sleep because I spend hours writing and if I don't get it all out at once I end up tossing and turning in bed.

Anyway the point, Anne, get to the point. I had a lovely weekend with a dear friend. I visited the small but beautiful town of Lock Haven. The house I was staying in was old and is being redone to become a glorious B&B. It urged me to write more, so I started a new book about an architect who desires to travel home, but knows that he needs to get the job down at hand, how he tosses and turns about the meaning of love when he would rather just go it alone. As I wrote and cooked wonderful food, I could smell the mountains and the river. It was very relaxing and it made me feel very far away from the busy world that we all live in. On the trip home I got teary eyed knowing that the trip was done and it was time to get back to reality. But at least at night, I can go back to my happy place, in the pages I read and write. So I must thank my friend Greg, for the lovely weekend. It was a nice escape, time away from the parental world I seem to be stuck in.

A place where I can't really be myself, simply because my parents don't understand who or what I want to be. A place where my freedom is stolen away and restricted. A place where the goal is to make money to pass the time and then come home only to run upstairs and write, listen to music, read, and work on art projects. A place that I want to leave so badly, but I know that even when I leave and I grow older and move away, somewhere in my heart I will miss this town that my teen angst despised. I'll miss being able to come home and writing. Not that will I will ever stop writing, but it won't be the same. I won't be writing about escape plans, fighting my parental units, or how bored I am. No the topics will change and as my life flashes before my eyes so will the pages and chapters of my books that I will hopefully write and publish. The dream world that lives in my notebook and head may come true and the things I will write will be more real then the things I write now. That is the day I wait for, when I am missing home, but will still be glad that I have made my own start like everyone does around my age. Where I will go, I can only predict. What I will do, I can only dream of. When I will do it, I can only count down from. And how I will do it, I can only plot out.

So thank you little town of Lock Haven, for helping me see that it can only get better, I can only get more independent and free. I'll be back LH. Well have a goodnight everyone. It's time I go to bed or I'll never be able to last 8 hours with my little kids...

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