Goodbye Lock Haven, For Now

My mind wanders at night, unless I get right to bed after a hard day of either babysitting four kids (4, 7, 8, and a 6th month old dog) or being out and about my mind has to much to think about, so I write instead of keeping all of it inside me. I have learned over the years that if I leave all my thoughts and emotions inside I get to consumed and it tires me out even more. In the end, I get about 5 hours of sleep because I spend hours writing and if I don't get it all out at once I end up tossing and turning in bed.

Anyway the point, Anne, get to the point. I had a lovely weekend with a dear friend. I visited the small but beautiful town of Lock Haven. The house I was staying in was old and is being redone to become a glorious B&B. It urged me to write more, so I started a new book about an architect who desires to travel home, but knows that he needs to get the job down at hand, how he tosses and turns about the meaning of love when he would rather just go it alone. As I wrote and cooked wonderful food, I could smell the mountains and the river. It was very relaxing and it made me feel very far away from the busy world that we all live in. On the trip home I got teary eyed knowing that the trip was done and it was time to get back to reality. But at least at night, I can go back to my happy place, in the pages I read and write. So I must thank my friend Greg, for the lovely weekend. It was a nice escape, time away from the parental world I seem to be stuck in.

A place where I can't really be myself, simply because my parents don't understand who or what I want to be. A place where my freedom is stolen away and restricted. A place where the goal is to make money to pass the time and then come home only to run upstairs and write, listen to music, read, and work on art projects. A place that I want to leave so badly, but I know that even when I leave and I grow older and move away, somewhere in my heart I will miss this town that my teen angst despised. I'll miss being able to come home and writing. Not that will I will ever stop writing, but it won't be the same. I won't be writing about escape plans, fighting my parental units, or how bored I am. No the topics will change and as my life flashes before my eyes so will the pages and chapters of my books that I will hopefully write and publish. The dream world that lives in my notebook and head may come true and the things I will write will be more real then the things I write now. That is the day I wait for, when I am missing home, but will still be glad that I have made my own start like everyone does around my age. Where I will go, I can only predict. What I will do, I can only dream of. When I will do it, I can only count down from. And how I will do it, I can only plot out.

So thank you little town of Lock Haven, for helping me see that it can only get better, I can only get more independent and free. I'll be back LH. Well have a goodnight everyone. It's time I go to bed or I'll never be able to last 8 hours with my little kids...

It's All In The Fine Print

Love Forever

There is something on this earth that I will love forever and it is film. This post will probably be pretty short and to the point, but it still needs to be said, simply because I think it does. Film is something that I will never get tired of, whether what I watch is boring or exciting, new or old, homemade or Hollywood, it has taken my heart and it will never give it back. No matter if the movie industry will take me to my friends house or across the world, I will keep it with me not only because I get enjoyment out of it, but its almost part of my soul. Like you already know, I have been watching films of all kinds since I was a little kid and when something is part of your childhood and never goes away, come on it becomes a piece of home to you. Film is a place that can take me away from reality, a place I like to stay away from as much as possible. Reality is boring and monotonous most of the time unless you are with people who believe in the dream world as much as you do.

For example, when I saw the new Alice and Wonderland I never wanted to leave the theater. It's a reoccurring problem, once a film starts and I enjoy it, it should just never end... This world of imaginary lives and break downs of a person's life can teach people so much about their own lives, which is why film is so cool. I say cool, because think about it, one film can use up all of your emotions, it can teach a kid about the concepts of death, it can show what happens when someone falls in love, it can say the stuff that you can't say yourself in about 90 minutes give or take. One film could change the world, you may call me crazy, it wouldn't be the first time, but think about it, one film can give jobs to hundreds of people, the money made can help a local economy, or simply give you a good cry in your home after a long week at work/school/play.

For me, films are an escape to the fast past world we live in. Films take me away to my "happy place". They have always been there for me, as I'm sure they will be in the future. It will be a love that lasts a lifetime. It is my reality, while the rest of my life is just a dream or a nightmare depending on the day.

ARF ARF GOTHCA!

I just finished watching another film to add to my long list of random movies. Instead of going out on a Friday night or smoking a pack of cigs or drinking as a high schooler, I stayed up late and watched one or two of the 500 million movies that my mother has collected (horded) over the years. Some of them were fantastic, some of them not so good, but if you say a movie off the top of your head, win and doubt I've probably seen it or at least heard of it (if you're really trying to be tricky). Film has always been a hobby of mine, but like writing I never thought I would go anywhere with it, but why not try for it write. Well anyway that is not what this post is about, nope its about the movie I just finished watching.

So I was flipping through the channels, Harrison Ford, Julia Roberts, Justin Long, they all show up, but I pick the off the wall film that my parents will probably end up hating. Hackers, a film about some young kids in New York City that end up busting a large hacker in a FBI agency. Johnny lee Miller and Angelina Jolie work together to find the "source" with their other computer geek pals. The music was all from the 90s, the clothing was all late 80s mid 90s, and the laptops were quality!!

I fell in love, but let me tell you it took my mother a bit of convincing. Jolie was to "pushy" and "mean" and the ADD kid was way to "quirky" and "gross". But by the end she loved the gang as much as I did. See if you want to please my mom, get the big bad corporates with their aviator sunglasses and she's perfectly content. If she knew I had a blog she would probably think the FBI was on the way to our house in minutes, breaking down the door with machine guns, just like in the film. Dad liked it more than the usual chick flick playing on the screen, so he enjoyed every minute and analyzed every part.

That is one question I have: If any guys read this blog, why do you all have to analyze everything? It really kills the movie for me, I mean afterward, a nice chat or heated argument can commence, bring it, but really during the movie, everything has to be connected to something and if it doesn't its "bad" writing? I don't think so, but maybe I'm just a girl and I think you boys all still have cooties ha ha I don't know.

Anyway I enjoyed the maybe dated 1995 movie, Hackers. Maybe you should add it to your list of movies and you can rate it for yourself!

Have a good one, until next time For the Glory (ha ha just kidding, but I had to, I miss my Stall Stories from Penn State what can I say...)

Talking to A Friend

So I was talking to a dear friend of mine tonight about how much I write. I wrote a letter to a man who really helped me out. He wrote how i learned how to snap. It saved me from a lot of lonely nights in my house in Hershey. So anyway while I was writing my letter, my friend told me that, I write a lot, but not too much. I was glad to have this realization. For me writing is an escape. A Great Escape if you get the movie reference and it always has been, well at least since the 6th grade. Every person should try to find something that lets them escape from the big scary, sometimes dirty world we live in day in and day out. It's important to know that, because if you find the thing that lets you escape you will find purpose in your life, even if its something small. For me writing is a big thing, but your escape doesn't have to be the dominate thing in your life, it could be looking out your window at 1 in the morning and seeing that star sparkle back at you, or daydreaming, cooking, being around animals, riding a roller coaster...it could be anything, but you have to find it. No one can do it for you. It took me quite a long time to realize writing was something I needed. Something that I had to get good at, but even though I learned and changed how I wrote over the years, it still meant a lot to me and now I would never give it up for anything. I think I need to make it a bigger part of my life because it keeps me going, its like my conscious telling me what to do...helps me see things clearer, break them apart and put it back together, for better or for worst. So thank you friend, I have been realizing a lot these past weeks...

Movies

So I was sitting in my room, my very crowded room, (two amps, two electric guitars, my new speakers, computer, small television, desk, bed, shelf of books, plants, paintings...ect) and thought about the movies that I need to rewatch to pass the time over this "lovely" summer.

Now and Then, a very summer spirited movie, and free spirited, this is what I define childhood as, but I don't think anyone had a child like this one haha, but if it were to be ideal this is how I would want it to be...

American Beauty, a film that is in its own category, I remember secretly watching this in my young teens, it was to dirty for my young eyes as my mother put it. And it probably was, but what a fabulous artsy film, though I must say and agree with my friend Greg, they went a little over the top with the plastic bag...the ending though with the black and white shots was one of my favorite scenes...

Mona Lisa Smiles, a movie that has sentimental value, I mean they all have sentimental value, but this one is extra special. It was the movie that I watch whenever I miss my sister dearly, because before she moved South, we watched it every time she ventured home from college. It reminds me of staying up late talking to my dearest friend and it will always be there for me when my sister is miles away...

Little Women, another great one that reminds me of my childhood with my big sis. I didn't like it very much when I was younger, but as I got a bit older, it brought the women of my family together. Mom was never in a bad mood when she was ironing and her two daughters were sitting on the floor hugging pillows absorbed by the movie. We would all get teary eyed when Beth passed on, and Jo found her true love and the movie was finally over, its something about film I always hated, you grow so close to the characters, you go on a journey with them and then you have to say goodbye...

V for Vendetta, simply because it is my favorite film, it has everything in it that I need in a movie, action, love, political rebellion, roses, and a piece of mind. I watched it for the first time with my parents and I remember my mother asking me why I was crying as Valerie told her story to Evey, and all I could say was because they destroyed a beautiful life. My mother still doesn't like watching the movie, because a lesbian was in it and her daughter cried for her, but it will stay my favorite movie not only for that scene that is so epic, but the ending, when Evey is on the roof watching V's plan play out...

Notting Hill, a favorite, the chemistry between Hugh and Roberts is love that lasts a lifetime. Its how I feel love is really like, one loves the other just a little bit more and the other is always a bit to far out of reach, but in the end the one that is out of reach realizes that their life isn't complete without the simpler character. The simple character stands up for them self and says they don't need the said "star" and regrets it, but it is not over, no if its true love it will come around. If something is meant to happen it will, that doesn't mean that you should save your life for that single person, and I'm not saying I believe in fate, but I think love works itself and the people involved fall into place. I could watch them fall in love over and over again...

Well there are some movies that I think everyone should watch...they saved me from the real world, maybe they can take you away too...

Those Salmon Colored Lockers...

I found myself in a very familiar place this evening. I went to the final band concert with some friends from my graduating class and a homey feelings rushed into me. I was home, you may not call it much of one, but the amount of time and energy that I put in over the years in the Hershey High School music department is maybe a bit over the top. I loved that hallway that had the salmon colored lockers, the stands misplaced from the stage sprawled in the lobby of the department, the lovely greeting by the directors, the stick your shoes made in the band room from the years of spit still lingering on the floor, the smell of the old printer that had attempted to drive me crazy over four years of blood sweat and tears, and the sound of our orchestra director yelling at his 2nd violins through the vent that connected my world and his. It was all something that I wanted to keep all to myself. I never wanted to forget it and it was definitely a love hate relationship. I was the first to arrive and the last one to leave, it was a part of the job you could say, being the "librarian" for a man that was very unorganized, but well rehearsed, it was a job that was priceless to me in some strange way, but as I walked the familiar hallway for the hundredth time, it all came back to me. Everything fell into place, the sound of music people walking back from the dimmed stage, parents waiting in the lobby for their sons and daughters, this was my "track practice". I handed out the music at the beginning of the year to these kids, ran around like a nut finding misplaced scores in the middle of the week, hollered at students to not forget to bring their copies to the rehearsal the night before our concerts, and wiped their tears when they forgot it the next night, in hopes that I would quickly copy a new one and not tell the "man". I never did of course, he had to much to think about let alone worry about some dumb freshman who was lost at a first concert. No instead I made sure his bow tie was straight, the lint was removed from his tux, and a smile was on everyone's face. That was my job, and I loved every minute of it, even if I swore to God if that kid forgot his music again I was quitting for sure, but I was never really going anywhere. This hallway was my safe haven in high school, my friends, my enemies, my rivals, my world was in one hallway, you could even say my high school career took place here, in the High School Music Department. I'd come in a week early before school started, to make sure the music was ready to go, I'd split an Italian sub with my dear conductor, blast Wicked and Avenue Q, and had the time of my life. In the end, I got to have my name on a plack, a remembrance of me left in the school along side my sister's name, who had come before me. The job was mine years before I even knew it existed. I knew it was just a name on a plack and I knew as years past it would collect dust and only old alum and my conductors would know who I was and what I did, but it was still an honor. I had shed my fair share of tears and laughs in the filing room and none of it would be forgotten hopefully. But coming into that hallway once again brought back fond memories of a world I wasn't sad to have left. I walked past my old locker, my friend Val's was still there next to mine, with the words Fuck scratched out by some janitor. I can still remember how nervous I was as a freshman sitting by a junior, playing my cello in a symphony orchestra for the first time. I believe the piece was a collection of Phantom of the Opera songs, and the memory of the sound and the energy and the excitement still puts chills down my back. It opened my world to music wider than I had ever expected. I will never regret anything that happened in those hours spent in that hallway even if I was upset I didn't make first or second stand, I won't regret the time I spent out of class just talking to my favorite conductors, I won't regret the anger I had when I messed up my counties audition because people were there to tell me suck it up, its music. It taught me so much, music did. It uses your emotions, takes your anger, your sadness, your happiness and turns it into something more. Forms emotion into sound, into notes, into harmonies and melodies, that can bring a group of people together, that can move an audience to tears, that can help a student find peace in the busy day. Music has shown me what it is to truly love something, so I must thank the girls and boys, women and men who played for me tonight, who brought me back to the home I created for myself, to hide away from the other parts of high school. Hershey High School Music Department, you will always have a place in my heart and will be an escape for another student very much like myself. More tears will be wept after closing night of the musical, more laughs will be heard from the sarcasm shared between conductors, yelling will be vocalized from the teachers who teach us to remember how to play a triplet or sing that high E. The hallway will not change, but the students will change, and the alumni will grow older, but that hallway with the salmon colored lockers will see it all and music will be made.

Henry David Thoreau

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

Henry David Thoreau

Writers and Their Quotes

Every word written is a victory against death.
Michel Butor

The novel is an event in consciousness. Our aim isn't to copy actuality, but to modify and recreate our sense of it. The novelist is inviting the reader to watch a performance in his own brain.
George Buchanan

The reason one writes isn't the fact he wants to say something. He writes because he has something to say.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

May I never grow to old to treasure 'once upon a time'.
Anonymous

Hello My Name Is...

Well after a couple of regular posts, I figured I'd introduce myself to the blogging world. I am new to this part of the internet void, but I felt since I'm a journalist major writing down the things that come into my head might not be such a bad thing to do. Anyway...what to say about myself.

Well I grew up in Hershey PA, as you are probably already aware, because it seems that the people who read my blog already know me, and well that was my first post. As you know I never really liked Hershey, but I must say it gave me a place to grow up. There wasn't much entertainment, so we "kids" created entertainment, going on private property down by the local quarry was always a fun thing to do, or biking down the the local park, Shank, or just going for a drive to get milk for Mom. All these things you learned to do just to pass the time, sit in the car with the windows down and the horrible radio music blasting out of the one speaker that still worked. What can I say I was a pretty regular teenager, with a run down car, some friends, and very strict parents. I guess it made me realize how wonderful freedom was, I don't know, maybe that was their goal, I still don't understand their grand plan for me, but I keep on working my life out step by step.

So I grew up in Hershey, nothing remotely excited ever happened, unless you count the time when my sister and I snuck out for some chicken nuggets at Wendy's and had major Catholic Guilt for telling Dad we just weren't hungry for lunch. We stuck the bag of "evidence" deep at the bottom of the trash bin outside, just in case. More or less I grew to be independent and looked up to my sister as a goddess of coolness, and still do to this day, mostly because I'm a dork, but ultimately because she was my best friend and still is. Anyway back to who Anne is. I moved here, to Hershey that is, when I was three, before than I lived in Connecticut, which I still call my "true" home whether I can truly say that, well that's my choice.

When I was in 5th or 6th grade I started writing. Never thought it would amount to anything but what the hell, it gave me something to do, and it helped me work out the stuff that I couldn't seem to talk to my parents about. Never was a big fan of my mom, not that I don't love her, but we just never clicked, maybe its a younger sibling thing. I was a loner, didn't have a ton of friends, but you know it wasn't so bad, no one hated me or bullied me, so I lived a life of crime all to myself, in my journal of course. Which I'm sure I'll call upon at some point in this blog.

Now your probably wondering why I even thought to start this blog, or you not, but I figure if you are still reading I might as well write some more. So yeah I'm a journalist at heart, always was I guess, well a writer, just never thought I would study it, so in the middle of my freshman year, I said hey maybe I'll start a blog. Now I must say, I didn't think of it, my friend wrote one, and I read it everyday, its a good blog, and it got me started. I'll give it a shot, if no one reads it well at least I can do it for myself. I can put all the silly, serious, and sincere thoughts I have out into the void of space. Maybe it will help someone, or entertain someone, or fuck make someone really angry. I finished my first year of college this year, I finished another chapter in the book of life, and some part of me wanted to share it. That's the real reason I started writing this blog, no matter how silly it sounds, I have always had this philosophy that people should share their lives, don't keep secrets because what's the point, life's a mystery enough as it is, why keep more secrets. Yeah if a friend tells you to keep something on the down low of course, keep your mouth shut, but that's not really what I'm getting at. We all of different stories, mine will come out in the pages (or posts) of these blogs, or the book I may someday write, but I feel like everyone has a different story a different path, and it should be shared. You may not think your life is interesting, but it is. There is something unique about everyone of us, even the lives of your "enemies", whoever they may end up being. When a life is shared judgment should never be passed because you know what you don't know what the person next to you might have gone through, you don't, because like I said life is a mystery, all of it. It's a challenge that everyone must go through whether it lasts a couple of minutes, eighteen years, or a hundred, its still a life, its still something. Someone knew some part of it I'm sure, so why not share the tale to more people, you never know what you may learn from someone else's story. Humans are to self-centered, I know I am, I am so selfish in my own way, but I still keep a ear listening to the walls I have built around myself, I have a few windows and doors and cracks to let other opinions, other ideas, other stories in...And at that I will leave you all. The void is open to everyone, but what is there to listen to but static if some of us don't start talking...

Everyone Does It

So the other day my dear friend Bailey had this video up on her friends Facebook and I stopped and looked at it and feel in love because in fact we all act like him when we are alone in your rooms. I recall listening at my sister's door when she was in high school, she turned her stereo up and I could hear her singing and dancing around the room, I of course thought she was the coolest person ever, so I also turned up my little boom box and danced around my room. You find all sorts of things in your room to use as props, for example the hair brush as a microphone, or some type of air guitar maybe a body pillow, but you totally did it. Don't lie to yourself, you did this as a young adolescence and you will continue to dance around your room into your elder years...And don't be ashamed, dancing around in your skivvies is so much fun and exhilarating in someway, because you can sing badly, laugh at yourself, and feel like a rock star all at the same time. Why would anyone want to stop this bedroom ritual? It's the one time in the day where there is no judgment, and you can free yourself of all that pent up morning energy! But since I'm babysitting three little kids all summer maybe I should save some of that energy for the kids...ha ha well have a good day, Pennsylvania is nice and rainy currently, so I'll be reading a book with my cat. So long for now...
Anne

New Album

Soooo, one of my favorite artists is coming out with a new album!!!! Sara Bareilles won over my heart with Little Voice, a year ago and late summer of 2010 her new album, Kaleidoscope Heart will be hitting the stores. Her song, King of Anything, supposedly written about Zach Galifiankais hit the radio stations Monday. Her tour is still on the move and hopefully I will be jumping on the train and heading up to Connecticut to see it three days before my birthday!! Hope you enjoy the links as much as I did. Happy reading...

Mysterious

"Your mother had her whole life. She sang at my wedding... she raised two girls... we can't know everything she did. We are mysterious creatures, aren't we?"

Here is a quote from one of my favorite movies. Evening is a movie that changed my thoughts on old age. I had always thought that lying on your deathbed would be a frightening place to end up after a life of living. But when this film came out in 2007, another maybe hopeful thought came to pass. You may in fact just return to the place that was burnt into your memory long ago, a place that you would have liked to relive. I try to think back on my own short life, and think of a time that I would have liked to go back too. Ann Grant looked back on what she thought was a waste of life, trying to become a famous singer, thinking maybe if she had only gone with Harris, if only Buddy hadn't died she may have gotten her wish. So in the hours before her death, she revisits a place in her life, where she could have gone down a different path, in the end she sees that having her children and singing for them, meant much more to her then living the dream, of stage singing. So as I look back, I would revisit three places that bring happiness to my heart, a place where I felt at home, calm, happy, and free. I would pick an ordinary happy day spent with my sister, one of the days that we had taken a drive in our old Volvo, singing out the window, just us, our music, and the road. Those were some of the happiest moments of my life and it seems in our busy lives, Kess and I don't have chances to do simply things like take a drive in Pennsylvanian anymore. Another time would be spent in my High School Auditorium on closing night of the school musical. Music has always been a big part of my life, as it was for Ann Grant. It makes me happy and connected to the people around me. As we close the show, my cello strings vibrate into my hands, the crowd cheers, and everyone's face is a glow. What else could you want? My last memory would be spent with my three friends I have made in college, whether it would be spent sitting on the HUB lawn or watching a movie, joking and relaxing before more hussel and bussel that college is bound to bring. And so Evening helped teach me to cherish an ordinary day because the ordinary days are the most important at the end, whether it be the day, a month, a year, or a lifetime.

INTHESUN

Summer Song

Hershey

Somewhere I will never really have to leave...I have been looking at images of cities across the United States and Hershey follows me everywhere I go. I never have to say goodbye, because a piece of home will always be down the road, in the local pharmacy, or in the hand of some lucky child. Hershey follows me as I try to leave it, and to be honest I don't see this as a bad thing. I have never really felt at home, so many over the years of living in cities, I will feel more at home, then I do sitting in the actual chocolate bubble. Hershey seems to be built on its prestigious Medical Center, and run down Chocolate Factory, it looks good from the outside, but on the inside its simply just a place where we all try to beat each other out, with the next best thing. I have never really lived my life like that, hence why I never really liked Hershey. I never felt like I fit in, I needed something more, something different, and something more unique. Hershey and it's cliques weren't enough, I fit into zero of them, and just wanted to keep moving to the next thing...there was no next thing in Hershey. I feel like if I move to a place where the people are different, where the pace of life is faster, and where the standards are broader, I'll fit in. I'll find myself a place where I love to live and grow in. Hershey will always be down the street, its not going far, but after hearing various versions of the Hershey Story, I'd like to make my own story, I need to do what Milton wanted for all his students and family: something to live for that you loved more than anything else in the world.

Well that's it for now...The Lily and The Fountain will slowly become a summer project :P