Mammal Vs Mammal: CTE200

So the regular four folk that read my blog haha, I am adding an extra weekly blog about my awesome Critical Theory English 200 class. I love my prof and the topics in class so it should be an interesting read! Just thought I would put that out there...

So all of these philosophers tell us that humans are meaningless and there really isn't any point of us being here. If you look at the amount of time we have lived to the amount of time the Earth has been orbiting the sun, we make no dent in its history. This may seem depressing and if you take each word of the essays we have been reading literally, you may indeed want to slit your wrists and feel as though life is pointless, but if you go deeper than the surface most of the writers seem to be saying that we should just accept that our life is simply to live and enjoy what we make happen. It's not going to change how the world turns or really how the world ends up, not saying that there aren't things like the environment that must be protected, but in general if you become a writer or an engineer, its really not going to make a difference once the next generation of people show up. Or at least in the grand scheme of things it shouldn't.

All of this talk of human existence not being as meaningful as everyone lets on helped me out. Made me realize that I might as well do the things I truly enjoy and take a leap of faith in my own life; giving myself one major goal, to be happy. If there is happiness with or without lots of income or "material" wealth, my life wasn't spent being angry or depressed or alone. Which in my mind makes more sense then just living for some new gadget. But besides my whole take on it, I'd like to bring up a new point that the philosophers didn't really get to. Why is it that we put ourselves above everything living? We are always the alpha dog, but seriously, we have created our own languages, how do we know that other living being on this earth haven't also created their own way of speaking. Other animals obviously have their ways of communicating, but why do we put ourselves above everything else. Just because we don't understand their terminology doesn't mean they don't have their own language or common speech. These philosophers tell us that we are nothing to this earth, that in a couple hundred or thousand years our existence won't matter, so why do we make ourselves so important. Why is it that the other animals may not just be as smart and "intelligent" as the humans? They haven't brought it up and I don't understand how it couldn't be a possibility. Would it just be to scary to admit, does fear stop us from believing that maybe we aren't the only ones "existing for no reason at all"?

Incredible Lov

I love love. There are many different kinds of love and many different ways of showing love. But as a constant observer of this wonderful beautiful thing, I have found that the deepest is between that love that brings you total happiness. The thing about this type of love, this one love that everyone yearns for is terribly frightening to get too. No one knows if they have found it or if they have something like it or maybe they haven't found it at all and our simply faking the fact they "found it". The thing about this ONE love is that it is the most miraculous, who can say you haven't got it? Who can say they have? Instead of finding it, it just happens. When you aren't asking for it or wanting more out of love. It just happens. It comes up from behind you and embraces you and unless you let it go, it will stay forever. Because once it happens and the two people that are involved at that moment become one person. They don't change who they are individually they simply become something new that is even grander then they can realize. I call it that one love simply because it is above the rest. It makes everything else seem minimal. Once you find it, you can look at your life in the mirror and laugh at all the things that you once were so concerned about. I am not saying that someone should give up living. I'm just saying that you will give up thinking that everything is so important because in totally honesty, the things we are so concerned about before the one love comes along is just to make us not so concerned about not having the one love. I'm giving the L word a big ego and probably giving it to much credit, but I have seen love and felt it. It's warm and unbearably wrenching. It can turn a life around. It has the most power over our emotions and something that can literally control the ticking of our heart deserves a lot of credit and an even bigger ego. The great thing about love is that if that one love goes or stays love is still left inside you. Love never goes away, it doesn't turn on you. No people turn on you, but people also say and never let the love created go. The one love is created, combining individual love, while the love that lives inside us is our best friend.

I was told by someone that I loved that I was unlovable, I was helpless. Maybe for now that is true, but you can become lovable again. You just have to find where it went, where your personal love went. Once you find that, love can be created love can be given and received. Another friend would call me mushy for bringing any of this up, but deep down I know they think the same things, they are just protecting themselves. For me, the love I have in my hands is then I can handle and so I give it out to my dearest friends. I may not show it enough to the person I need to when the time comes, but I have seen what its like to lose track of the love inside. So I bring it deeper inside as to not lose it. The thing we all need to learn. They thing we all need to see and feel and taste and touch and comprehend, is the fact that usually when you find out that you love someone. That you know 100% you love the other person and doing nothing at all, but having them two feet away, or snuggled up in your arms, or across the room cooking, that you honestly love them, that they aren't going anywhere either. They made the choice too. What's going through your head is going through theirs. They are afraid you will leave, that that love is going to be lost. That they are going to have to start again and find themselves. But at that point, you need to stand your ground, see what's more important, which is more important. The love or yourself. That will define it, that will show you the time that needs to be spent with this love you have created. It is the hardest question that will probably ever be asked by everyone throughout the ages. But it is one that you answer on your own. You then have to believe that the choice you make is the right one and when it comes time that you know it is or isn't meant to last, it will come to an end or never end. It's confusing and it's hard, but we all know or at least have some inkling of what I'm saying, the key is you have to want to realize that what I'm saying we all have to do.

A friend like myself, the one that has always been there for the talks, the chatter before in the middle and in the end, that friend that me in your life, will always be there, but they can't I can't make the choice for you. If only the friend that me could, but sadly we can't. We are merely people, bystanders watching the love that is created and yearned for and held...

Summer's A Endin'

So it is ending once again. Another summer gone and another school year beginning. I don't know how I feel about it this year. I feel as though I always see the new year beginning now instead of in January. We grow up over the summer, we get that pent up energy out of our systems, we get a chance to be free. Then when it ends we go back to scheduled lives, academic agendas, friends we haven't seen, and lives we have put on pause. Once you get out of the "schooling" years I guess this ends too. It seems to me that we are all chasing after our lives, either trying to out win it or trying to run backwards.

Picture three people in an air terminal. The one is running as fast as they can to catch their plan. Life has gone ahead and is just passing them by while they try to catch up. Another is running backwards on the walking treadmill trying to weave through the people because they forgot to say goodbye. Life has pasted and the fellow has missed out, forgotten to say goodbye to their friend their lover their dead father or just someone living in the past. The last is the one I hope to be someday. They are just walking slowly down the air terminal to their next gate. They are striding along with life, not trying to catch up when it races forward and not trying to remake the past. They are content with whatever ends up happening.

At the end of each summer I try to evaluate my life. Have I accomplished the goals I had set, did I change, was a level of maturity reached, how can I make it through the coming year...They are all things people ask themselves, but what are the answers. Right now I feel like I'm between running backwards and feeling totally overwhelmed that I will need to let go and run ahead to catch up. That guy walking along will smile at me and think, "She'll get it right one of these days." I've met those people. The "content" people. They are so calm, so relaxed, happy to help. The models of society, the ones we need running the countries of the world, the ones we won't dearly as a friend, the ones that make it without a migraine at the end of the day, the ones who don't spend their time regretting...

Some day I will be one of those people, I'm working on it and I can say that this summer has taught me many things. It has taught me to keep working, to keep chugging along. It has taught me to follow my passions and my dreams, make them something on the top of my list, that I may need to wait for other things that seem sooo important. Get where I need to be and then think about the more "fun" things. Life is about making your life happy and fulfilled and I plan on never forgetting that truth. I love life, I love living, and I love breathing.

So summer is ending and in a couple of weeks I'll be running around "terminals". I'll be busy and scared at times, but there will be laughs shared and remembered too. School is an exciting time even if its overwhelming. All of you who are going back to high school remember that it will be over soon, anyone headed to college for the first time remember that its super fun but don't let it get ahead of you, people going back to college for a second third fourth five time remember the joys of friends and the work that will get you to those dreams, and everyone else remember all the times you have had and look forward to the new ones if you haven't found what you want find it. Be happy...until next time

Eat Pray Love

There are some films that will always stick with me. Some that make me laugh like The Hangover or Some Like It Hot, some that make me cry like Atonement and V for Vendetta, some that make me angry and deeply concerned like Jesus Camp and Hell House, some that inspire me like Mona Lisa Smiles and Erin Brockovitch, and the list continues. You get the point, I'm sure you share similar opinions about films as I do in your own way of course. We already know that films turn my life around, but one that I have seen recently I had been waiting to see since I found it was being filmed. I am guilty, I didn't read the book first (my mother lost it and I was to lazy to go to Borders or the local library), but the film moved something in me that hadn't been moved in awhile. It made me look at my life differently and how I want to live my life. Eat Pray Love was not only well cast, but the cinematography and the length made you feel as though you were experience Elizabeth Gilbert's life adventures along with her. Julia Roberts as you may know is my favorite actress, but she acted so well and worked so diligently to make it seem that her life was being turned upside down. She made you think that maybe there is more in a life then getting married having kids and watching yourself grow older. Those things those dreams you created when you were back in college should be made a reality. If you wanted to spend time alone, on your own, then go out and do it. Don't hold back because you never know what will happen down the road. If you have the opportunity then jump for it. It may sound stupid and it may sound unrealistic, but I live my own life in terms of "surrealisticness" I make them realities simply because I don't want to watch myself age in my mirror. Look at the wrinkles form without really living, just passing the time. I want to see the world and shouldn't you give that opportunity to yourself as well? The surreal and spontaneous world is much more exciting (scary most definetly) but more exhilerating then a world lived in a cubical with the same schedule everyday. Who says you have to settle? Your parents, your grandparents, or was that just a rule that was created because people were to afraid of the unknown. Scared to see the world that was out there. We don't want to see corruption or poverty, we want to shadow our lives. I am frightened of things I have yet to see, but that doesn't mean I want to hide myself away and not experience it. If we all tried to "see" a little more and put ourselves out there, maybe the earth we live on wouldn't be dying so quickly or the society we live in wouldn't be so "fucked" up. I have always seen my life one step at a time. Yes I have dreams and goals, but instead of creating them and never actually fulfilling them, I find a way to make them come true even if it seems impossible. For example, I made it a goal to get into Penn State. My grades were horrible in grade school because I had terrible anxiety, but even though I didn't get in on the first shot, I figured it out. Where am I now? A sophomore returning to school at Main Campus this fall. You can do it, if you really set your mind on it. People will try to tell you are unrealistic and ridiculous, take it with stride and say, "Yep you're probably right." They can find out later that you crazy son of a bitch did exactly what you had set your heart on. One mistake I probably make, is I follow my heart before my head, but in the end it makes me happy. So if traveling to three countries in a years time to find yourself is what you need to do to fulfill the end goal, DO IT! If it's something completely different, find a way to make a bridge to the island where your dreams await you. If you ask me, I'm a dreamer and I will never change.

New Album

Soooo, one of my favorite artists is coming out with a new album!!!! Sara Bareilles won over my heart with Little Voice, a year ago and late summer of 2010 her new album, Kaleidoscope Heart will be hitting the stores. Her song, King of Anything, supposedly written about Zach Galifiankais hit the radio stations Monday. Her tour is still on the move and hopefully I will be jumping on the train and heading up to Connecticut to see it three days before my birthday!! Hope you enjoy the links as much as I did. Happy reading...

INTHESUN

Summer Song